Amazing Grace

The things we overhear

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:22:35 -0600

Remember this picture from Ukraine? This was one of the first close moments that Noah and Sophie had together. And even though it’s been close to a year since we’ve come home, sometimes I forget that we have two children. I often find myself surprised to overhear conversations between the two kids, especially since I used to overhear conversations between Noah and himself or between Noah and his imaginary brothers. But now, I overhear funny bantering between the new siblings. Here are some examples:

Sophie......“You’re cute Noah.”

Noah........“No Sophie, I’m cool.”

Sophie......“Oh.”

Noah.........“You’re cute. I’m cool.”

Sophie.......“Oh.”

Or:

The two kids were having an imaginary picnic in the living room. Noah made tea but Sophie wanted coffee.

“We’re out of coffee,” Noah said.

“I want coffee!” asserted Sophie.

“We’re out!” shouts Noah.

“I go store,” responded Sophie.

Noah countered, “The store is out!”

Sophie climbed into her imaginary car (the sofa) and shouted, “I go store!”

“For the last time, Sophie. The store is out!”

Brother and Sister. Mr. Not So Big Shot and Little Miss Whiney pants. They like each other even though they pretend not to.

Togetherness

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:06:00 -0600

We’ve had four days of togetherness. Togetherness meaning very little separation and no outside company. These sick weekends are times when we can see the best in our family and also the worst. Scott and I especially see the worst in ourselves....selfishness, impatience, anger, irritation, and impatience and did I mention impatience?

It is so frustrating to try to cultivate self-control in your children when you have none. It so maddening to teach kindness and steadfast love between siblings when you you’ve just lost it because you’ve repeated the same thing ten times in the last five minutes.

“Noah, don’t talk in such an ugly tone to your sister.”

“Sophie, you should be kind to your brother. He was trying to play with you.”

“Amy, you shouldn’t talk to your daughter in that tone because your son will mimic you later.”

“Amy, you should be kind to your children even though they haven’t been very good today. They just want to play with you.”

Parenting would be easy if we didn’t have to lead by example. It would be a snap if we could tell them and not have to show them how to behave. What a blessing it would be if we could only see every frustration with our children as an opportunity to show them how much we love Jesus by our response.

Thankfully, Scott and I have no trouble showing them how much we like each other. We made sure to take advantage of the kids needing extra sleep this weekend. Valentine’s Day Scott grilled a delicious lobster tail, a first for the Green Egg. We set the table with our nicest china and talked about what? Parenting.

Sickies

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 13:43:50 -0600

It happened. Sophie got sick. After ten months, her nearly perfect immune system finally let something through. She woke up Friday morning with no appetite. By lunch, she was running a fever. By mid afternoon, she was puny, clingy and quite pitiful. We laid down together on the sofa for a few hours. She would doze and moan and occasionally open one eye to make sure I was still there.

“I sad, Mama. I sick. I want my daddy. Why sick, Mama? I so sad!”

It is strange to say, but it is a good thing for her to be sick. Every opportunity we have to show her what it feels like to be cared for and comforted as a daughter is good. Nothing can replace motherly love when you’re sick. Now she knows that. I won’t be surprised if she tries to get sick from now on.

Noah started to fever Friday night and got sicker by the hour. Sophie got better by the hour and I’m sure that she wasn’t happy about that. After Noah had temps of 104 plus through the night, we made a trip to the ER this morning. We found out that they have the flu.

And it’s okay, it’s just the flu. We can handle that. In fact, we can see the good.

Someone to come to

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 08:58:03 -0600

We are a dreaming family. Almost every morning, one of us is sharing what happened in our sleep during the night. Sometimes Scott and I are recounting Noah’s nightmares that he doesn’t remember and most times I am searching for the words to describe my bizarre dreams.

Sophie tries to join in the conversation with something that is unrelated, like, “I ate lunch last week,” or “I play with Layla today.”

But lately Sophie has been joining in with relevant comments. She’ll say that she dreamed about a bear or a lion. It’s obvious that she is making it up but at least she is participating.

Last night, Scott and I awoke to Sophie’s shuffling and small voice. “Scared Daddy. I scared.” Scott pulled her in bed and she clung to him so tightly that he couldn’t move. One arm around his neck and the other under his arm with her legs intertwined as securely as she was able, she fell into a safe sleep.

I know this sounds so ordinary. This happens all the time in homes with small children. But this is the first time that Sophie has come to us in the middle of the night scared. I thought my heart would burst with sadness last night when I thought about all the times she must have been scared in her first 4 years of life. Lying there in her bed, alongside other children, with no mommy or daddy to go to. She would not have been allowed to leave her bed. She would have laid there afraid.

But she is not alone now. She can come to us and collapse in her daddy’s secure arms. Our little Soapy can close her eyes and safely dream.

The Club

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:05:50 -0600

The other day, Noah came running in the front door after playing with his friend Gage and bolted to his room. Thirty minutes later he came out of his room to tell us what he’d been doing. He and Gage had established a club, a Star War’s Club. He’d been setting up the club area in the corner of his room. Although both daddies were allowed to join, I was not given the honor. As you will see from his sign, girls are not allowed. He and Gage have had two official meetings where, I think, they talk about their Star War’s stuff and plan light saber battles.

Somehow Noah has gotten the impression that if you declare something on a sign, it is good and true and must be obeyed. He tried to make a sign that clarified his position on little girls entering his room. He was dumbfounded when I told him that he couldn’t keep his sister out of his room 24/7 just because she didn’t belong to the Star War’s club. I guess he had to try.

A, B, C....

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:38:32 -0600

We hit a milestone this week. Sophie has learned all her letters. This is a major accomplishment for our little girl. It has taken hours of repetition and a lot of confidence building. She has finally decided that she wants to learn. What we’ve discovered about her is that she is capable but unwilling to fail. The moment she has trouble is the moment she wants to quit. In order to distract, she shakes her wispy brown hair and smiles an awkward smile. Then she asks for a snack or says, “Yesterday, I did a good job.” Poor thing, she doesn’t understand that it takes a lot of getting things wrong to finally get them right. I hope that she’ll enjoy the victory enough to be willing to fail a little more along the way to learning new things. Next thing....getting thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen in the right order!

Before Creation

Thu, 7 Jan 2010 10:09:55 -0600

I find myself in a very unusual situation, alone. Noah and Sophie are with my parents and Scott is in New Jersey for work. I am going to join him for a company party in NYC on Saturday, Lord willing.

I am in my pajamas sitting by the fire, admiring the falling snow and the blue jays perching on the Bradford pears. I don’t know why but the fire and the snow make the silence delicious. The quiet is like an extra layer of warmth helping my muscles relax and my thoughts flow. I don’t enjoy being away from my family but I think this time alone is God’s answer to my prayers for contentment and gratitude and patience. He is giving me the opportunity to reflect on His faithfulness, most especially in regard to Sophie.

This past Sunday, our pastor preached on Psalm 139, the Psalm we go to to be reminded of how precious human life is. Where we learn that God “formed our inward parts” and that he “knitted us together in our mother’s wombs.” This chapter shows us how tenderly and intimately God loves his children.

Verse 16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”

I couldn’t help but think of our Sophie. Before creation, God knew her. Before she was formed in her mother’s womb, God saw her button nose and smiled at her big brown eyes. Before she was born to people she will never know, God planned her redemption. A redemption that would save her not only from poverty and neglect but from a life separated from her heavenly Father.

And He used us, He privileged us, despite our unworthiness, to be the family that would share in this story of redemption. Everyday Sophie reminds us of our own salvation. We are all adopted into the family of God, not because of anything we have done, but because God loves to show mercy to sinners.

Sophie Jane is our living and breathing reminder of our own adoption stories. She is a reminder that we get to kiss goodnight and to hug good morning. Our little girl, in all her endearing imperfection, prompts us to praise the one and only true God, who has so graciously redeemed us. Is God not good?

“Oh the depths of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!”